Redding California

All persons, upon entering Military Service and upon reenlistment, are
required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time, the Oath of
Enlistment was the same for all services. Due to changes in both
society and the differing Military Branches, the Oath has undergone
marked change and has been specifically tailored to each branch of the
Military and their specific function. Here are the latest versions of
the Oath of Enlistment as recently released by the Joint Chiefs of
Staff:


US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the
UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army,
because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over
waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any
form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a
valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by
their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other
services.

I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at
all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion
of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy
sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chair-borne Ranger. I will
believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean
the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy
those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"

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Signature
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Date


US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, Rambo, swear to sign
away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I
couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm
not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I
can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into
my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I
promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date.

I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine
because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only
action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I
acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service,
and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test.

After completion of my
Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different
Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when
I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like
I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife
stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a
better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will
continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look of
knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive
to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday
at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY."

I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help
me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction
with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the
Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it
because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!"

_____________________
Signature
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Date


US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of
my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought
the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually
live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to
swim...why not?"

I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have
my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I
understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during
summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use
a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world,
using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle
and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water
fountain, hole in wall and toilet."

I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and
insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely
different from the other services and make absolutely no sense
whatsoever.

I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am
buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930.
I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can
stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not
spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at
least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief,
I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly
illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!"

______________________
Signature
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Date


US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize),
swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill...yea kill....fix
bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....blow up...yea, make boom....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....SIR YES SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....Ooorah
Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"

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